Last week Kim and I got into a huge fight. Do not get me wrong, we have our share of small little fights here and there, but this one was "The Perfect Storm" of fights. Usually one of us is more patient than the other one.... but not this time... this was CRAZY ROAD RAGE!
I hate fighting. It makes me feel sick, I lose my best friend, and I feel terrible after I am done. But I have such a hard time saying I'm sorry or accepting her apology after it is done.
You have to learn how to fight. I know that sounds silly, but it is true. I believe that fighting is a normal part of any relationship. Arguing produces growth in a relationship. But it has to be productive. Here are some tips that we have learn after 25 years of marriage.
1. Do Not Bring Up the Past
This is so hard not to do when we fight. We both feel like a lawyer in a court trying to prove our case. When threatened we to want defend ourselves, so we revert to the past. Stay away from the past, keep your fights in the present, the past is just that... the past. There is no use in bringing up something that is over and done with.
2. Learn Each Other’s Escape.
When our arguments are starting to go bad we have learned each others needs. It is like two boxers going to each of their corners. It is a way for each person to cool off and come back and make the conversation productive.
4. Accept The Apology.
When we fight I perfer to say "I am sorry" and be done with it and move on. It may not seem like the most sincere, heartfelt apology but it is from my heart. Kim has another way. She will not come out and say she is sorry, but an hour later she will come with a smile and a little gift. You need to accept each other’s apology. Do not put each other in a prison and make them work for it.
I hope this has helped. After 25 years of marriage I have found that having arguments is a necessary and essential for healthy growth of a relationship.